I'm a writer, podcaster, musician, and artist creating content to help you live on purpose and die without regrets.
Get better at managing your anger with neuroscience and philosophy
Nothing has done more damage to my personal life than anger. When I was young, I was aggressive with timid friends, I’d yell at video games, and I’d cry angry tears whenever I lost at anything.
When I was older, I learned to keep my anger hidden –– most of the time. But eventually, it would come out:
I was a walking volcano, and my anger was magma, swirling inside me until the pressure became too great and caused a catastrophic eruption. I left broken relationships and a tarnished reputation for myself everywhere I went.
Then, in 2019, I found the early Greek philosophers. I don’t know which school influenced me the most: the Epicureans, the Stoics, or the Skeptics. Most likely, I took a little bit from all of them.
I discovered that anger –– and every other emotion, for that fact –– wasn’t some uncontrollable state of being to which I had to yield every time it presented itself.
No, anger was just a signal: an invitation to action that hijacked my neurochemistry to fling me into conflicts that weren’t actually happening and didn’t have to happen.
“Some of the wisest of men have . . . called anger a short madness: for it is equally devoid of self-control, regardless of decorum, forgetful of kinship, obstinately engrossed in whatever it begins to do, deaf to reason and advice, excited by trifling causes, awkward at perceiving what is true and just, and very like a falling rock which breaks itself to pieces upon the very thing which it crushes.” — Seneca
Anger always feels good at the moment, but it tends to leave the angered person with deep regrets. Ya know, like a drug.
Here’s how it works:
So, if anger is a built-in biological response, what can we actually do about it? Well, this is an area where philosophy, psychology, self-help books, and neuroscience intersect.
Research has shown that mindfulness meditation can reduce the size of the amygdala and increase the size of the prefrontal cortex. It literally changes your brain.
However, when you try to “bottle up” or suppress your feelings, it has the opposite effect –– building up the emotion in a similar way to my volcano metaphor from earlier.
Basically, meditation, along with other mindfulness practices, can compound over time, making you less impulsive and giving you better jugement, not just in a spiritual sense, but through physical changes to your brain.
So, if you want to get better at managing your anger, here’s what you can do:
You can change your brain. You can change your life. The thing is, it won’t be easy, and you will fail.
However, that’s what’s awesome about your brain: the more you try to do a thing, the better you’ll get at it, because every time you practice a skill, like anger management, you physically transform your brain just a tiny bit.
If you’re tired of anger ruining your life, then decide today, right now, to stop inviting it in.
I believe in you.
When was the last time you exploded in rage? Did it feel good at the time? Did you regret it later?
Now, when was the last time you managed to hold back your anger, just for a moment, and avoid a major conflict? Afterward, were you glad that you didn’t let anger take over?
Who would you rather be: the type of person who rages uncontrollably at circumstances they can’t control, or the type of person who has physically reshaped their brain to allow them to experience more joy on a daily basis?
I'm nearly finished reading The 48 Laws Of Power by Robert Greene for book club, and it's been a fantastic read. Next month, we'll be reading The Immortality Key by Brian Muraresku, which dives into the history of psychedelic use in Ancient Greece, Ancient Rome, the early Christian Church, and more. If you want to read and discuss, join the book club on Discord.
I've also got a new run of CDs available from my first studio recordings: Live at Dilan Jay Sessions Vol 1. If you like collecting physical music, you can pick one up while they're still on sale. Get your CD here.
The Curiosity Chronicle is a personal growth newsletter authored by entrepreneur and investor Sahil Bloom that has helped me change how I think about life, relationships, and business. If you are an independent thinker with a passion for business, I recommend you check it out.
In November, I started using Hypefury to grow my Twitter account and the results have been absolutely explosive. My favorite feature is the Engagement Builder, which I've been using to interact with huge accounts and get followers without even logging into Twitter. If you want to save time + grow on Twitter, try Hypefury today.
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I'm a writer, podcaster, musician, and artist creating content to help you live on purpose and die without regrets.
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